yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
