Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
