During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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