I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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