DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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