just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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