Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
