Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
