By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
