We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
