ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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