The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
