A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
