You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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