i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
