Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
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Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know