The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!