he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence