So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms