Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.