if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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