I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
420 ftw
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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