oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
