So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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