he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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