im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
