He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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