definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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