next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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