i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
