Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
as a side note pls kill me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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