giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
