i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
