just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
