His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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