I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
