I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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