I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
