You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Houston, we have a squirter
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Randomize
