How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I puked a lego.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we're making bets on your personal life
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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