If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
