i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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