There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
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