Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
