I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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