You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
