This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
