i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.