yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
