did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
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make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
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Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.