Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
