we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon