He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my sisters under your porch take her home
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
