I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
