the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
