I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
