i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
