i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize