She is in my trunk
North Korea, Best Korea!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
