It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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