all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
