I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
