I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
