my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
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As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
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We almost ended up sober because of u!!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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