I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
