people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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