i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
