I wannas sexs uuuuu
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
