No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
