I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have tasted many bathrooms
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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