So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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