gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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