You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
