Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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