after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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