hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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