His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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