Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
