I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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