i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
NoShamevember. You game?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
