I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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