im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
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Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
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I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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