We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
