Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
